NYEPESI NYEPESI TOKA KWA JOACHIM BUWEMBO!

TEN GREAT RULES THAT WILL HELP YOU REMAIN POOR ALL YOUR LIFE

(Kanuni kumi zitakazokufanya ubaki masikini maisha)

Endapo unaitumia yeyote kati ya kanuni hizi zilizotajwa hapa chini, jitahidi kwa bidii zote kuiacha ili usizame katika dimbwi la umasikini wa milele.

By JOACHIM BUWEMBO

In 1776, Adam Smith published his classic scholarly work, An Enquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations. Two centuries and three decades later, we hereby publish the 21st Century sequel. It is entitled An Enquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Poverty of Persons. Unlike Adam Smith’s tome, ours is a very easy-to-read guide, consisting of only 10 points, which are very easy to memorise. It is a result of four decades of observation and participation in activities that create poverty in abundance in independent African states. It must, therefore, be respected as a product of painstaking study. Here, then, are the 10 great rules that turn potentially wealthy men into bitter paupers. Five are don’ts and five are dos. Armed with these, you can defeat wealth for the rest of your life.

ONE: NEVER WAKE UP EARLY. Keep stretching and turning in bed until you get too hungry to continue dozing. If there are no bedbugs, why hurry to get up?

1. USIAMKE MAPEMA KAMWE. Endelea kujinyoosha na kujigeuza kitandani hadi njaa ikuinue. Kama kitanda hakina kunguni, kisa cha kuharakia kuamka?

Two: Never plan how to spend your money. Whenever you get money, start spending it right away and when it is finished, try to count and recall how you spent it.

2. USIPANGE MATUMIZI YA FEDHA ZAKO KAMWE: Upatapo pesa, unaanza kutumia kama huna akili nzuri hadi zinapokwisha, kisha unaanza kukumbuka ulizitumiaje?

Three: Don’t think of saving until you have real big money. How can you save when you earn so little? Those telling you to save are not sympathetic to your burning needs.

3. USIFIKIRIE KUWEKA AKIBA HADI UTAKAPOTAJIRIKA: Utawezaje kuweka akiba wakati unapata fedha kidogo sana? Wanaokuhimiza kuweka akiba wote hawajali mahitaji yako.

Four: Don’t engage in activities usually reserved for the “uneducated.” How can you, a graduate, engage in petty trade or home-based production? That is for people who never went to school.

4. USIJISHUGHULISHE KATIKA MAMBO YANAYOFANYWA NA WASIOSOMA: Iweje wewe msomi, ujiingize kwenye biashara za Machinga au uzalishaji unaofanywa nyumbani? Waachie hayo watu wasiosoma.

Five: Don’t think of starting a business until an angel comes from heaven and gives you capital. How do they expect you to invest before you get millions of shillings? Even though more than half the businesses in your town were started with a few hundred shillings, you, as a smart person, can only start with millions.

5. USIFIKIRIE KUANZISHA BIASHARA HADI USUBIRI MALAIKA TOKA MBINGUNI WAKULETEE MTAJI. Nani anayetaraji kuwa utawekeza kwenye mradi wowote kabla hujapata mamilioni ya shilingi? Zaidi ya nusu ya biashara za mjini kwenu zilianzishwa na angalau mamia ya shilingi. Wewe, kama mtu mwerevu, unaweza tu kuanza na shilingi milioni kadhaa.

Six: Complain about everything except your own attitude: Blame the system, the government and the banks that refuse to lend you money. They are all bad and do not want you to get rich.

6. LALAMIKA JUU YA KILA KITU ISIPOKUWA TABIA ZAKO: Lalamikia miundo, serikali hadi benki zinavyokataa kukukopesha fedha. Wote ni wabaya na hawataki maendeleo yako.

Seven: Spend more than you earn. To achieve this, buy consumer products on credit and keep borrowing from friends and employers.

7. TUMIA ZAIDI YA KIPATO CHAKO. Kufanikisha hili, nunua vifaa uvitakavyo kwa mikopo na kisha endelea kukopa kwa marafiki na wafanyakazi wenzio.

Eight: Compete in dressing. Make sure you wear the latest clothes among all the workers in your office. Whenever your neighbour buys a new phone, get one that is more expensive.

8. FANYA MASHINDANO KATIKA MAVAZI. Hakikisha unavaa mitindo mipya kabisa ya nguo kati ya wafanyakazi wote ofisini kwako. Jirani yako akinunua simu ya bei kubwa, wewe unanunua ya bei kubwa zaidi yake.

Nine: Get yourself a nice second-hand car that costs more than three times your gross monthly pay. That will surely keep you in debt long enough to hinder the implementation of any bad plans that could make you accumulate capital.

9. JIPATIE MTUMBA WA GARI UNAOGHARIMU MARA TATU ZAIDI YA MSHAHARA WAKO WA MWEZI. Kwa hakika gharama hiyo itakuingiza katika madeni yatakayokukwamisha kutekeleza uamuzi wowote wa kukufanya upate mtaji.

Ten: Give your children everything they ask for since you are such a loving parent. They should not struggle for anything because you do not want them to suffer. That way, they will grow up lazy and hence poor enough to ensure they cannot help you in your old age.

If you diligently implement these 10 great rules, you will not fail to invite poverty in great measure to your homestead. That way, all important leaders, from East to West, will spend a lot of hours thinking about you, planning how to uplift your daily expenses above one dollar. Isn’t it nice to be the subject of concern of all those leaders and scholars?

10. KWA KUWA WEWE UNAWAPENDA SANA WATOTO WAKO, WAPE KILA KITU WANACHOHITAJI. Watoto wasijishughulishe kwa sababu hutaki wataabike. Kwa mtaji huo, watakuwa wavivu na hivyo masikini milele na hawataweza kukusaidia uzeeni.

Endapo una dhamira ya kutekeleza kanuni hizi kumi (10), hutashindwa kuukaribisha umasikini wa hali ya juu nyumbani kwako. Hivyo basi, viongozi wote muhimu, toka mashariki hadi magharibi ya dunia, watatumia muda wao mwingi sana kukufikiria wewe, kupanga namna ya kukukwamua toka katika lindi la umasikini. Jidai kwa kufikiria kwamba wasomi na viongozi wote hao wanaguswa na hatima yako.

Joachim Buwembo is the editor of the Daily Monitor of Kampala, Uganda.
Joachim Buwembo ni Mhariri wa Gazeti la "Daily Monitor" la Kampala, Uganda.