Tuesday, May 17, 2011

HIGH SCHOOL PRACTICAL MARRIAGE LESSONS

Chicago Tribune
WITH DIVORCE WIDESPREAD, SCHOOLS TEACHING MARRIAGE
June 13, 2000

By V. Dion Haynes

As a boom box played kitschy wedding music, Ryan Rutherford and Kati
Weisz held hands and exchanged vows. The ceremony was performed not by
a preacher but a teacher and took place in their classroom.

For five days, they will take on the responsibility of children,
hammer out a household budget, discuss how to juggle work and family
and then grapple with a crisis--either an addiction, an affair or the
death of one partner.

The psychology course with the mock wedding is one of the most
popular electives at Redlands High School and part of a growing
nationwide movement to teach middle school and high school students
about marriage and family to stem the 50 percent divorce rate in the
U.S.

In recent years, hundreds of schools, including some in Illinois, have
introduced curricula dealing with such topics as finding the right
mate, passion, conflict resolution and breaking up. Last year, Florida
introduced a law requiring all students at public and private high
schools to take at least one marriage and family course to graduate.

At the same time, Florida and other states have passed laws offering
reduced marriage license fees and similar incentives to couples who
agree to take marriage classes before heading down the aisle.
Louisiana and Arizona have adopted legislation offering couples
considering a breakup the option of going through intensive counseling
to head off a divorce. And Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating has announced
plans to launch a $10 million program--consisting of statewide
lectures and high school courses--aimed at cutting the divorce rate by
one-third by 2010.

The programs have been criticized by some who assert the government
has no business meddling in such personal matters and by others who
argue that students would be better served if schools focused on
raising their academic abilities rather than improving their social
skills.

While a growing body of research indicates divorce and the breakdown
of the family are responsible for a number of social ills, some
preliminary studies also suggest that providing students instruction
in building healthy relationships can postpone sexual activity and
reduce youth violence.

"If we can have good families, we'll have stable kids. Home is the
first influence," said Charlene Kamper, who teaches the marriage class
at Redlands High School, about 70 miles east of Los Angeles.

"Academics are very important. But if a person is not in a good
emotional state, academics become secondary," added Kamper, who
developed a curriculum called "Connections: Relationships and
Marriage" used in numerous schools nationwide. "So many kids tell me
this is one of the most useful classes they have taken."

The latest movement goes against efforts of the last three decades to
downplay marriage.

With the sexual revolution, women's rights movement and divorce
reform, marriage had been discounted and even derided by some scholars
and by popular culture, experts observed. Indeed, the image of
marriage changed from the idealism depicted in 1950s television shows
such as "Father Knows Best" and "Leave It to Beaver" to the
dysfunction of such 1980s and '90s sitcoms as "Roseanne" and "Married
With Children."

"It was politically incorrect in some academic circles to
talk positively about marriage," said Diane Sollee, founder and
director of Smart Marriages: Coalition for Marriage, Family and
Couples Education, a Washington-based group of scholars, therapists
and clergy.

"Then we got the statistics on all the kids in jail and all the girls
who were having babies because they had no connection with their
fathers," Sollee said, adding that studies also show that children
from single-parent households are more likely to be sexually abused,
less likely to go to college and more likely to get divorced after
marrying. "What's the best way to keep fathers connected with their
children? Marriage."

Even couples living together fare worse than married couples,
according to some researchers.

"Domestic violence is much higher among cohabitating couples," said
Linda Waite, a psychology professor at the University of Chicago and
co-author of the upcoming book, "The Case for Marriage: Why Married
People Are Healthier, Happier and Better Off Financially."

"The emotional well-being doesn't seem to be as high among
cohabitating couples as married couples," Waite said. "Cohabitating
men seem to be quite uncommitted to the relationship."

The emphasis on marriage instruction, according to experts, started
largely with therapists who recognized that most troubled marriages
were not a result of psychological problems but a lack of marital
skills. As the thinking goes among those at the center of the marriage
instruction movement, breakups can be pre-empted by preparing people
before they get married.

Last year, Florida introduced the Marriage Preparation and
Preservation Act, aimed at "promoting stability and continuity in
society." The law gives couples a $32.50 discount on the $88.50
marriage license fee if they take a four-hour marriage instruction
course, requires divorcing couples with children to attend a parent
"stabilization" course, and makes a marriage and family course a
requirement for high school students.

"Throughout the nation, people want to see the divorce rate come down;
they want information on how to build stronger marriages," said state
Rep. Elaine Bloom, a Florida Democrat who introduced the marriage
instruction law.

But with school finances always an issue, some teachers' groups
question whether schools should be spending time and money focusing on
such non-academic issues and whether government should be involved."I
think there is good in helping students learn about
marriage but I just wonder about government intrusion in your
private life," said David Clark, spokesman for the Florida Education
Association, which represents more than 120,000 teachers.

"Were schools designed to do this much socialization and values
clarification? Many teachers would argue it would be great if they
could focus more on academic subjects and worry less about these
things," Clark added. " . . . There is an argument for offering them
marriage classes as an elective, but saying you must teach
them is a little pushy."

The marriage curricula taught in the schools vary widely.

In the "Connections" program, taught at Redlands High School, the
teacher on one recent day discussed how to identify real love: Does
the person accept me for me? Does the person love me without
expectations for me to do something in return? Will the person allow
me to grow in the future?

Kamper, who teaches the class, offered tips on finding the right mate:
Does the person feel like my best friend? Do I want to spend time with
him/her? Is it impossible to see myself without this person in my
life?

And she talked about the role of sex in a marriage. "Sure it's
exciting. It enhances the relationship. But it is not enough," Kamper
said. "Someone has to go to work, empty the trash and take care of the
bills. You can't spend your life in bed."

Though it will be years before researchers determine whether the
programs will preserve the marriages of these students, they have
found the courses have positive short-term effects.

In a study of the Loving Well program, a nationwide program that uses
literature to illustrate romantic love, bad relationships and happy
marriages, only 8 percent of 8th graders who were virgins opted to
have sex after taking the course compared with 28 percent of a control
group who didn't take the course.

And another study showed that students in the Connections course were
less likely than other teens to use violence to solve conflicts.

"Students in Connections were more likely to use reasoning tactics and
less likely to yell, cuss, put someone down or use violence when in a
conflict," said Scott Gardner, an assistant professor of human
development and family sciences at South Dakota State University, who
conducted the study on the marriage curriculum.

"Connections kids were more likely to go to their parents for help in
a personal situation with their boyfriend or girlfriend," he added.
"We measured their attitude on divorce: Is it OK to divorce if you
have unsolvable differences? The Connections group was less likely to
agree with that."

In Room 443 at Redlands High School, about 10 couples stood in the
aisles and took part in the mock wedding. Some paired up just for the
sake of the class, but others--like Rutherford, 19, and Weisz,
18--were real couples seeking information on how to make their
relationship last.

"My parents divorced when I was in the 2nd grade. I blamed a lot of
things that happened in my life on my parents' divorce," said
Rutherford.

"I came out of the class understanding more about myself
and what to expect when I do get married."

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